I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
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Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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