im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
