Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
