i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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