Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
