I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
