Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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