My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
