just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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