I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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