im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize