That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
