tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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