My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
