his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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