it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
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The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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