guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize