sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
