god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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