do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
