So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
