i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
