Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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