No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
