Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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