I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
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Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.