no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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