dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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