There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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