I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.