I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
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Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.