I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My vagina is officially offended.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.