This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.