To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
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Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
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do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?