Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
