Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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