that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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