he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
