I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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