I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
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Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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