I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
