There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
