He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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