does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
