I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
