haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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