I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
