his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
