Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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