We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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