ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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