remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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