How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
