K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
