3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
