The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
