Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Drunk is not a location!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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