Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
