Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
