i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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